mardi 29 mars 2016

28.03.16

Well, I'm listening to The Smiths, 23 pm a monday night. 
I just posted a picture that I did from me with a scanner on the Glitch artist community on facebook. (picture posted the 21st march on the blog) And I'm surprised that I'm getting so much likes and appreciation. In fact, I'm always surprised when people actually like what I am doing... And I even don't want to believe them when they say they like it. I think I have to get used to it: accepting compliments.
I mean why is it so hard to accept that stuff we're doing can be appreciate by other people?
What am I afraid of?

There was a time, I logged out from facebook. I felt this strange social pressure to do something with my life and to create, create and create images. Facebook told me to be SUPER creative, SUPER succesful and SUPER happy. I didn't want to be that, because I was not. And I'm still not but now I don't care. I just want to do my stuff in my own rythm. 
Last week, my old high school organised a get together with the old high school students. At first, I didn't really want to go. (I had always a problem with my high school, who hasn't?) And then I went, because my friend went. I'm not completely unhappy with my situation but I'm not working in the field that I want to be. So as I was speaking with those people that I didn't see for 5 years, I didn't sound really excited. I'm a very bad liar. But after someone said to me "Oh you seem really unhappy", which I was NOT, I started to fake my emotions. It worked. I sounded really happy to work in the commercial and fashion world. Again, I'm not unhappy at all with my work, I just have a problem with the fashion world. I'm doing my job the best I can and I think I'm doing it well.

I was one year off from facebook. 
Amazing year, I felt so much better. 
My relationship with my boyfriend was better, I felt free from any judgement regarding what I'm doing and where I am and I was happy most of the time. Now, I'm back again with the promise to myself that if I'm feeling stress again because of facebook, I'd log out immediately. 

You and the others. It's not about how they see you, it's about how you react to their glances at you. And sometimes it's better to just ignore them and to isolate yourself when you just can't handle it. 
So, if I think that I'm on the right path so others should too. So If they say that what I'm doing is cool. It means that I'm on the right path with what I'm doing, right? So If I think that too then it should be the right thing to do to accept the compliments of the others easily...
Gonna work on it...

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